Skip to main content

Monday Motivational: The Epidemic of Loneliness



A couple nights ago, while chatting with a female friend, she asked to how how I am coping without anyone to talk to, in the neighborhood.



I replied: 'I am coping pretty well. Thing is, although I am alone, I am not lonely'.

Friend: 'It's pleasing to know that you're not lonely.' 

Of course, being alone and being lonely aren’t the same. Loneliness feels draining, distracting, and upsetting; desired solitude feels peaceful, creative, restorative.

According to Wikipedia, loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people.

I do not feel lonely, not because I have a romantic partner to fall back to whenever loneliness beckons. Not because I have a thousand and one friends who drop by to gist, chat, laugh and talk about random vanities. Not because siblings are readily available.

Far from all those! So, I did a little reading and arrived at the following:

People feel lonely for different reasons. It seems to me that there are several types of loneliness. Of course, not everyone experiences loneliness in the situations described — for instance, not everyone wants a romantic partner. But for some people, the lack of certain kinds of relationships brings loneliness.

Once we’ve pinpointed the particular kind of loneliness we’re experiencing, it may be easier to spot ways to address it. Here are some types I’ve identified: 

Six Types of Loneliness

1. New-situation Loneliness: You’ve moved to a new city where you don’t know anyone, or you’ve started a new job, or you’ve started at a school full of unfamiliar faces. No friend. No partner. No physical buddy. You feel lonely.

2. I’m-different Loneliness: You’re in a place that’s not unfamiliar, but you feel different from other people in an important way that makes you feel isolated. Maybe your faith is really important to you, and the people around you don’t share that — or vice versa. Maybe everyone loves doing outdoor activities, but you're a social vegan — or vice versa. It feels hard to connect with others about the things you find important. Or maybe you’re just hit with the loneliness that hits all of us sometimes — the loneliness that’s part of the human condition.

You Are Loved And You Belong Here
Depression is real. On daily basis, many take their lives to escape from the hurt and frustration that colour their lives in ugly shades of grey. Naturally, humans desire to be loved, appreciated and even crave validation from loved ones, but not all seem to get this desire evenly satisfied. Subtly, love-starved souls slip into depressed moods, from a distance, they watch love and acceptance fly past them into the arms of neighbours, colleagues, siblings, relatives, friends... but none ever rings their bell. They feel unloved, unwanted, less human, inferior, sad, hurt, rejected, dejected and eventually, suicidal. This book is a collection of letters, articles and daily musings that serves as a reminder to you, who’s emotionally bruised that You Are Loved, And You Belong Here. Download eBook at OkadaBooks or Amazon Kindle Store

3. Baeless/Booless Loneliness: This is common among younglings (teenagers, that is). Even if you have lots of family and friends, you feel lonely because you don’t have the intimate attachment of a romantic partner. Or maybe you have a partner, but you don’t feel a deep connection to that person. You feel lonely, though surrounded by family and friends.

4. No-time-for-me Loneliness: Sometimes you’re surrounded by people who seem friendly enough, but they don’t want to make the jump from friendly to friends. Maybe they’re too busy with their own lives, or they have lots of friends already, so while you’d like a deeper connection, they don’t seem interested. Or maybe your existing friends have entered a new phase that means they no longer have time for the things you all used to do — everyone has started working very long hours, or has started a family, so that your social scene has changed.

5. Untrustworthy-friends Loneliness: Sometimes, you get in a situation where you begin to doubt whether your friends are truly well-intentioned, kind, and helpful. You’re “friends” with people but don’t quite trust them. An important element of friendship is the ability to confide and trust, so if that’s missing, you may feel lonely, even if you have fun with your friends.

6. Quiet-presence Loneliness: Sometimes, you may feel lonely because you miss having someone else’s quiet presence. You may have an active social circle at work, or have plenty of friends and family, but you miss having someone to hang out with at home — whether that would mean living with a roommate, a family member, or a sweetheart. Just someone who’s fixing a cup of coffee in the next room, or reading on the sofa.

I believe there are other forms/causes of loneliness. Know of any? Help list them on the comment section.

What then must one do to combat loneliness?

Remember that beating yourself up about being lonely is counter-productive. You really have two choices here: wallow in a destructive way, or use the feeling in a constructive way. 

We feel loneliness for a reason - it’s your brain telling you that it wants you to get out there and connect with others, not that it wants you to sit in a dark room with shame, self-loathing and self-pity.

If you’re lonely, connect with others in your life. Meet up with some other single friends. If you can’t in-person, you can connect with them online. Consider chatting with them on the social media or reconnecting with somebody on the phone that you haven’t spoken with for a while. 

Try reading, gaming, take a walk or anything fun enough to send loneliness on a long journey of no return.

In all, be your best friend and loneliness will be a stale tale. Do have a pleasant week.

- Stefn Sylvester Anyatonwu



Enjoyed reading? Please leave a comment and share with friends. Thank you! 


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Doris' Torment - A Villanelle Of The Rose | Stefn Sylvester Anyatonwu

POEM 298: DORIS' TORMENT - A VILLANELLE OF THE ROSE Doris couldn't stop thinking about the rose It was just so black and mellow But she could never forget the hose That morning, Doris was shocked by the pose She had to calm herself with a marshmallow Doris couldn't stop thinking about the rose Later, Doris was spooked by a prose She tried to focus on a fellow But she could never forget the hose Alex tried to distract her with a transpose Said it was time to start thinking about a martello Doris couldn't stop thinking about the rose Doris took action like an expose The rose was like a toxic jello But she could never forget the hose Doris nosedived like a tricky chose Her mind became dangerously yellow Doris couldn't stop thinking about the rose But she could never forget the hose ------- This is a type of poetry known as Villanelle. ------- #365DaysOfPoetry #Pengician #SSA Enjoyed reading? Please leave a comment and sharing with friends. Thank you!

Featured Article | Quicken Us, by Paul Albert

QUICKEN US So will not we go back from thee: quicken us, and we will call upon thy name. KJV Then will we not depart from you; revive us (give us life) and we will call upon Your name. Amp -  Psalms 80 vs. 18. Ever watched a movie where your favorite actor was beaten to a pulp? Beaten to the point where standing on both feet becomes a prayer point? But beyond the pain little sparks of adrenaline still moves through His vein, He doesn’t want to give up or rather He is Hell bent to be the last man standing. I am sure you’ve watched such. But wait. Focus on this…  How did that man who has had a beating of His lifetime overcome His greatest fears? Maybe He remembers countless number of people who would become slaves forever to a conquering enemy or how unpredictable their lives would certainly become or definitely the cry of the ones He loves most. Then a spark is ignited, a fire that actually never died starts flowing through his veins again. You can imagine the velocity of adren...

Dear Nun | Stefn Sylvester Anyatonwu

POEM 254: DEAR NUN I pray thee, dear nun, a morning psalm don’t be to me. Would rather you sow, deep in my heart, the yearning of your bud, in the wake of twilight. I pray thee, dear nun, in vain doth my want restrain from wrapping us in a hell of heavenly bliss, for though I kiss my Rosary, still it be blasphemy to rise and fall in lust's refrain. The lingering whiff of your first menses nor the beauty wrapped in flowing gown, doth conceal you inert desires, nor veil, with virtues, you [I dread to say nor write], for we’re far beyond those pretenses in which we cage love in pious frown You could hold a smile, it won't millstone your soul and cast thee hence in heart of Sheol. Shed now your sigh, estranged the flowing gown and let your long-lost heart embrace wanton thoughts. For they both appear, to pay sin’s toll, not one word from thence shall condemn your soul So would you make me now sweat beads from your Rosary? Would you let me take to another realm where clouds shall we...